


but i'm so scared (honey close your eyes).

by orphan_account



Series: pigeon. [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Bisexual Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Bisexual Mike Wheeler, Dustin Henderson is a Good Friend, F/F, F/M, Gay Mike Wheeler, Gen, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Lucas Sinclair Is a Good Friend, M/M, Maxine "Max" Mayfield & Mike Wheeler Friendship, Minor Maxine "Max" Mayfield/Lucas Sinclair, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Racism, but its still there, its not really there their still on a 'break', its only mentioned though, only in the 3rd chapter though, stop making lucas homophobic 2k19
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-07 17:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21461881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “..is it about Will?” Lucas asks, an Mike gulps before nodding his head slowly, and Lucas’s expression seems to soften a bit more.OR,coming out is a process that Mike was probably never going to get used to.
Relationships: Dustin Henderson & Mike Wheeler, Eleven | Jane Hopper/Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Lucas Sinclair & Mike Wheeler, Maxine "Max" Mayfield & Mike Wheeler, Will Byers & Dustin Henderson & Lucas Sinclair & Mike Wheeler, Will Byers/Mike Wheeler, mentioned
Series: pigeon. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1546906
Comments: 7
Kudos: 162





	1. lucas.

**Author's Note:**

> oh god this is trash but wHaTeVeR.

Mike cried himself to sleep when Will and El left.

It was like ’83 all over again. He felt like he was falling in a neverending cycle of losing people (losing Will). The rest of The Party felt similar, but not the same. (None of them had the same _connection _to Will like he did, the same….(<s>feelings</s>))

But he carries on, pretending there isn’t a gaping hole in his heart where they (Will) should be. He still goes to the movies with Lucas, Max and now Dustin every Friday, he still laughs at the funny parts, (even if its fake) still jumps at the frighting parts, (even if he's seen worst) and still talks about the movie after with the rest of The Party (even if he wishes that he could talk about the movie with Will instead).

Right now though, he wishes he didn’t have to pretend.

They're having a sleepover right now, him, Dustin and Lucas, in Mike's basement, and he wishes he could tell them how much he misses (craves) Will, how much he thinks about Will (every day, every night, every passing hour that he lives he thinks of  _WillWillWillWillWill)._

“Dude, are you still watching the movie?” Mike snaps out his thoughts, to see Lucas staring at him, concern and a little bit of amusement painting his features, “uh, ye-yeah. Totally. 100%. I'm good, great even-” Lucas sighs, cutting Mike off, “you don’t have to lie to me, dude, I know you’ve been acting off lately, you can talk to me, you know?” Mike looks away, avoiding the piercing gaze of his friend to see Dustin sleeping a few feet away from them.

Lucas coughs, “is it about El?” he asked, his voice coated in concern.

Mike shakes his head, finding the ground _much_ more interesting than his friend interrogating him.

“..is it about Will?” Lucas asks, an Mike gulps before nodding his head slowly, and Lucas’s expression seems to soften a bit more. He laughed none humorously, “I understand, he's my friend too, and I know he means a lot to yo-” “IthinkImightbegay.” Mike feels a tear roll down his cheek and his breath catch in his throat (_fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck_), and he can feel Lucas's gaze on him (_whydidisaythatwhydidisaytha-_) “hey…” Mike looks up to see Lucas's face, and where disgust _should _be, all there is is… understanding?

“...Mike, it's _okay_.” And that’s all he needs at that moment to collapse onto his friend and cry his heart out.

(they talk about _it_ some more after Mike’s done crying. How Lucas could never hate him for something he can't control, because hey, that'd be _kinda _(really) hypocritical.)


	2. dustin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, this is super rushed and im super sorry about that, the next one will be better, i promise.

After his conversation with Lucas, Mike had felt better than he had in _years_.

He felt free, and the heavy guilt and dread that seemed to linger in his gut ever since he had learned what the word gay meant was_ gone_ (that was a bit of an over-exaggeration, it wasn’t _completely_ gone, and he knew that. He still hadn’t told Dustin or Max or Will- oh god _Will_-).

But he felt _good, _and that’s what matters.

He also felt unbelievably confident (which, in hindsight, was a bit of a bad thing (a lot of a bad thing)), and almost indestructible.

Which led him to the situation he was in at the moment.

His parents were gone for the week, and Nancy was off with Jonathan doing _something_ that Mike rather _not _think about, so he did the obvious.

He had a party.

Well not exactly a _party_, more just ‘hanging out with _The Party_, alcohol included’, sorta thing. But you get the idea.

But back to the situation at hand, it turns out that the whole ‘alcohol included’ thing was a _very, very _bad idea.

Mike was now way past tipsy, and he wasn’t the only one. Max was probably way past him on the _drunk-ness _scale, since she was now loudly explaining to Lucas how you're supposed to put on knee pads for when your skating, whilst Lucas just nodded along and made sure she didn’t break anything important. And Dustin… where was Dustin again?

Mike looked around the basement and found Dustin know where. 

He turned to Lucas and Max, and exclaimed loudly “I'm going on a quest to find Dustin! Don’t get murdered when I'm gone!” and walked (tripped) up the stairs without a second glance.

When he reached the living room, he found Dustin curled up on his dad's La-Z-boy, watching _Cheers _with the volume down so low Mike could barely hear it.

“Hey, dusty my man, how's it going? Why did you ditch us?” he slurred, making Dustin lazily (ha, _la-Z-boy and lazily_) looked up at him, “I'm good, just tired, you know. And I didn’t mean to ditch you guys, I just wanted too lay down a bit.” He yawned and stretched, further proving his point. 

Dustin looked… Sad? Distressed? Mike couldn’t tell, “and, uh, it didn’t seem like you guys needed me there either.” 

Mike cocked his head to the side, “dude, we, like, always need you there. You’re an important part of this group just like everyone else, dusty!” he fell dramatically onto Dustin, making the other boy laugh.

Mike gasped, jumping off the shorter (only by like, half an inch) boy, “I need to tell you something top secret!” he said, “what, that you still pee the bed?” Dustin joked, “no, no, no, this is like, super important.” Mike said in the most serious tone he could muster at his state.

He leaned down to Dustin's ear, “I'm in love with Will!” he said, giggling at the end of his sentence. 

Dustin looked up at him, confusion painting his features “what?”

Mike flopped onto the couch beside him, and now more loudly exclaimed, “I'm in love with Will Byers!” with a huge smile on his and no care in the world.

Dustin nodded slowly, the gears in his head turning, “oh…” he said, surprise seeping dripping from his mouth.

Mike laughed.

(They don’t talk about it till a week later when their alone in Mike's basement and Dustin asks about it. They talk about it for a bit, Mike answering all of Dustin's questions as much as he can, and Dustin assuring him that _he doesn't hate him, no matter what. _At the end of it, Mike feels good, not great, but _good._)


	3. max.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: there are a lot of f-slurs in thing one, if you get triggered by that, please do not read this chapter!!!!!!

It seemed that slowly, Mike was getting better.

(better at emotions, better at recognizing said emotions, better at, well, being himself (even if he hated what being himself meant, what it was and might always be), and better at saying  _ The Words _ as he deemed them, the words that could ( _ and would _ ) make any normal or sane person to turn there head in disgust, to frown and call him disgusting and abnormal and perverted an-)

Yeah, he was getting better. (Kinda.)

There we still (a lot) of things he could improve on, but in retrospect, he was a million times better than when he was 13. Yeah, he still straightens his hair because he doesn’t want people to know that it's naturally curly, he still catalogs all the girl crushes he ‘has’ in his head when he can (a force of habit, at this point), he still makes sure that he looks away whenever he suspects that maybe the guy he’s staring at might turn around and see.

But now he can let his guard down, a little bit. But only when Max isn’t around, which is not that often. ( _ because she’s dating Lucas who is your friend and NORMAL and not a fucking faggot like you, you perverted fuck _ .)

The thing is, he wants to come out to Max, he really does. But he just can’t find the appropriate time to say it. It's not like he can go up to her when their watching Terminator on his shitty tv that his parents gave to him after they got a new one, and say, ‘oh, hey Max, by the way, just wanted to tell you that I’m a flaming fucking homo! Have a wonderful day!’

But the thing about Max is that you can’t keep secrets around her.

She always seems to know when your lying, and it always unsettled Mike the littlest bit (he's scared that she knows, that she knows about the too-long stares and the fluttery touches, about his most deeply kept secret that he’d honestly never thought he’d share (until now)).

So when she cornered him at the arcade one after-noon, he should've been as surprised as he was.

"What's going on with you, Wheeler? You’ve been acting like  _ more _ like an antsy little shit around me lately, which is saying something.” Her arms are crossed over her rainbow t-shirt (how  _ ironic _ ), and her face is painted with frustration and confusion, whilst her eyes say something that Mike can’t exactly comprehend. He shoves his hands in his pockets, hoping that she doesn’t notice the layer of sweat that’s gathering there, “I don’t know what your talking about,” ( _ pussy, you’ve been waiting for this moment for the past week, and you pussy out _ ), he tries to make his face look as natural as possible, but he can feel the blush creeping up his neck and the sweat forming above his lower lip. Max laughs, “just tell me, I won’t be mad. Unless you like, cheated on El or something, that’s unforgivable.” She says, and Mike can feel the words in his throat, itching to  _ come out _ .

But they can’t. Their caught there, and now he kinda-probably looks like a fish with his mouth open but no words coming out. He closes his mouth and tries again.

“I-uh-I’m g…ga…” and he can see the gears turning in Max’s head, wondering what could fall from his lips, and he closes his eyes.

“ _ I’m gay _ .”

He slowly opens his eyes to see Max’s face, which his blank for the most part.

But her eyes tell a different story.

Her eyes are coated with confusion and…something that Mike can only really place as relatability, which makes almost no sense. She seems to see the unease on his face and tries to say something helpful, but the only thing that fumbles out of her lips is a silent “ _ same _ ”.

(They talk about it more, about Max and how she really really likes El, in the way that she thought Mike liked El, and how Mike maybe (totally) likes Will, and how its kinda funny how they both became friends in this shit-hole town, and how maybe, one day, the world will accept them for  _ who they are _ .)

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr


End file.
